Okay, so it’s a bit official. I am going out with a white guy at the moment. I just don’t have the time to blog about it coz of work and stuff… And I am blogging in English so that he’d understand (nosebleed!). He just knows Churva, Kemerlou, Keme Keme, Salamat and Baklang Gorilya.
No offense meant, some are true, really… Read on.
If you check off 100%, you should not be living in Canada/USA because you are too Chinese. However, if you check off less than 42 items (50%), you are a fruit (banana: yellow on the outside but white inside). If you only say yes to 20 items, Canada owes you a medal …. so proud to be a Canadian/American.
1. You unwrap Christmas gifts very carefully, so you can save and reuse the
wrapping and especially those bows) next year.
2. You only buy Christmas cards after Christmas, when they are 50% off.
3. When there is a sale on toilet paper, you buy 100 rolls and store them in
your closet or in the bedroom of an adult child who has moved out.
4. You have a vinyl table cloth on your kitchen table.
5. Your stove is covered with aluminum foil.
6. Your kitchen has a sticky film of grease over it.
7. You have stuff in the freezer since the beginning of time.
8. You use the dishwasher as a dish rack.
9. You have never used your dishwasher.
10. You keep a Thermos of hot water available at all times.
11. You boil water and put it in the refrigerator.
12. You eat all meals in the kitchen.
13. You save grocery bags, tin foil, and tin containers.
14. You use grocery bags to hold garbage.
15. You always leave your shoes at the door.
16. You have a piano in your living room.
17. Your parents know how to launch nasal projectiles.
18. You iron your own shirts.
19. You play a musical instrument.
20. You pick your teeth at the dinner table (but you cover your mouth).
21. You twirl your pen around your fingers.
22. You hate to waste food…
a. Even if you’re totally full, if someone says they’re going to throw away the leftovers on the
table, you’ll finish them.
b. You have Tupperware in your fridge with three bites of rice or one leftover chicken wing.
23. You don’t own any real Tupperware–only a cupboard full of used but
carefully rinsed margarine tubs, takeout containers, and jam jars.
24. You also use the jam jars as drinking glasses.
25. You’ve eaten a red bean popsicle.
26. You bring oranges (or other produce) with you as a gift when you visit
people’s homes.
27. You have a collection of miniature shampoo bottles that you take every
time you stay in a hotel.
28. The condiments in your fridge are either Price Club sized or come in
plastic packets, which you save/steal every time you get take out or go to McDonald’s.
29. Ditto paper napkins.
30. You never order room service.
31. You carry a stash of your own food whenever you travel (and travel means
any car ride longer than 15 minutes)…..These travel snacks
are always dried. As in not just dried plums, dried ginger,
and beef/pork jerky, but dried cuttlefish (SQUID).
32. You own a rice cooker.
33. You wash your rice at least 2-3 times before cooking it.
34. You spit bones and other food scraps on the table. (That’s why you
need the vinyl tablecloth).
35. Your parents vehemently refuse the sack of gold coin oranges that their
guests just brought just to be courteous.
36. You fight over who pays the dinner bill
37. Your dad thinks he can fix everything himself.
38. You majored in something practical like engineering, medicine or law.
39. When you go to a dance party, there are a wall of guys surrounding the
dance floor trying to look cool.
40. You live with your parents and you are 30 years old (and they prefer it
that way). Or if you’re married and 30 years old, you live in the
apartment next door to your parents, or at least in the same neighborhood.
41. You don’t use measuring cups.
42. You feel like you’ve gotten a good deal if you didn’t pay tax.
43. You beat eggs with chopsticks.
44. Your parents’ house is always cold.
45. You have a teacup with a cover on it.
46. You reuse teabags.
47. You have a drawer full of old pens, most of which don’t write anymore.
48. If you’re under age 20, you own a really expensive walkman. If you’re over
20, you own a really expensive camera and/or stereo system.
49. Your mom drives her Mercedes to the Price Club.
50. You always look phone numbers up in the phone book, since calling
Information costs 50 cents.
51. You tip Chinese delivery guys/waiters more.
52. You’re a wok user.
53. You only make long distance calls after 11pm.
54. You know all the waiters at your favourite Chinese restaurants.
55. You like Chinese films in their original undubbed versions…
a. You love Chinese Martial Arts films.
b. Shao Lin and Wu Tang actually mean something to you.
56. You have acquired a taste for bittermelon.
57. You like congee with thousand year old eggs.
58. You prefer your shrimp with the heads and legs still attached–it means they’re fresh.
59. You never call your parents just to say hi.
60. You always cook too much.
61. If you don’t live at home, when your parents call, they ask if you’ve
eaten, even if it’s midnight.
62. Also, if you don’t live at home, your parents always want you to come home.
63. Your parents tell you to boil herbs and stay inside when you get sick.
64. When you’re sick, they also tell you not to eat fried foods or baked
goods because they produce hot air (yeet hay in Cantonese).
65. You e-mail your Chinese friends at work, even though you only sit 10
feet apart.
66. Your parents never go to the movies.
67. Your parents send money to their relatives in China.
68. You use a face cloth.
69. Your parents use a clothes line.
70. You’re always late.
71. You eat every last grain of rice in your bowl, but don’t eat the last piece
of food on the table.
72. You starve yourself before going to all you can eat sushi.
73. You’ve joined a CD club at least once.
74. You know someone who can get you a good deal on jewelry or electronics.
75. You never discuss your love life with your parents.
76. Your parents are never happy with your grades.
77. You save your old Coke bottle glasses even though you’re never going to
use them again.
78. You keep used batteries.
79. You own your own meat cleaver and sharpen it.
80. You keep most of your money in a savings account.
81. You know what MJ means.
82. You’ve been on the Love Boat or know someone who has.
83. Your toothpaste tubes are all squeezed paper-thin.
84. You take this message and forward it to all your Chinese friends.
Thanks to Peter Tsung for the link 
Kung Hei Fat Choi!
I am depressed because I am doing nothing that would catch my interest. Thus, I smell the scent of eerieness. I feel very weary because of thinking of a lot of things. I really don’t know if I am doing the right thing – if following my heart would cause a lifetime agony or if following my mind would cause total brain damage.
I can’t tell anyone what I feel because even my own soul cannot describe the pain and joy it succumbed to. I would like to tell the world of how much sacrifices I made but no one would listen… no one would believe.
How could I, a mere mortal seeking for true love, be vanquished by depression? It’s through a powerful individual who was given the tongue of lies and hoax. It’s through a vengeful soul that seeks gratitude and exhortation. But I am an empty vessel, I know no gratitude nor exhortation. I know not the ways of a true woman.
He taught me a lot of things and I should say, I learned a lot. I was a stupid young girl who did not even know how to spell my name, but he was there to patiently teach me how to hold a pen. Though, until now, the proper way to show my appreciation to the one who teaches is unknown to me. I cannot please him and I think I never will.
Sweet Lord, I love him! If only he would know how much I love him. I know I acted foolishly and I should be punished. But, is this suffering not enough? I never claimed to be innocent of the crimes I committed, and yes, I was defensive. I am insensitive of his needs… because I don’t know what is true anymore. I was cherished amongst lies and deceit.
My heart cries with so much angst and sorrow and love and compassion. I need not to know of all of the things you are doing, I just need to know how you feel while doing those that calm you at night and ruin your day. I seek not of pity, I abhor such; I seek of justice… of what is due to me.
Clasp my hands as if you intend to go nowhere, and let me find what I am bound to look for. Answer my queries, oh sweet darling! And please, oh please, say no when I expect you to.
I loved you first…
- Blog ni Inday para kay Hayden nung hiniwalayan siya nito dahil kay Vicky.
Habang ginagawa ko ang lathalaing ito (malamang hindi ko siya sinusulat kasi nga electronic) eh hinihintay ko yung kasama ko sa trabaho. Andito ako sa opisina namin sa Taft. Dito ang tagpuan namin para pumunta sa prestihiyoso at sosyal na Ayala Ave. na nakakaloka ang daloy ng trapiko kahit alas onse na ng gabi. Wala talagang patutunguhan tong lathalaing ito. Gusto ko lang ipahayag ang lahat ng nasa utak ko para mabawasan naman ang mga iniisip ko.
Nung nasa bahay pa ako kanina, habang nagbibihis, napanood ko ang balita. Isang Bandila. Ano ang balita ng Bandila? Nasusunog na ang bayang sinasagisag nito.
Bomba. Karahasan. Pirated DVDs. Nakawan. Holdapan. Kidnapan. Rape. Pulitika. Kurakot. Pandarambong. Pampaputi. Susong walang bra. Eskandalo.
Sabi nung isang commercial, "Power to the people" daw ang binibigay ng sim card na tinda nila. Na kahit wala ka nang makain, makakapagtext ka pa rin sa mga kaibigan mo ng dalawampu hanggang apatnapung quotes sa isang araw. Na kahit naglalakad ka na lang papasok ng trabaho eh okay lang basta matext mo lang ng mga nakakakiliti at walang kasense-sense na message ang dinidigahan mo.
"Power to the people". Ang pagtaas ng presyo ng langis sa pangdaigdigang merkado. Ang napipintong pagtaas ng pamasahe. Ang pagtaas ng isang kilong manok na pangarap mong ihain sa hapag-kainan ng iyong mag-anak. Wala, Lucky Me Beef na lang ulit. Damihan mo ng sabaw, maalat naman yan. Unti-unti mo na nasasangla ang mga gamit mo. Teka, may bagong cellphone. Gusto ko yon. 5 megapixel, itim, maganda ang pindutan, sosyal. Gusto ko talaga yon.
Sabi ko sa inyo eh. Mahihilo lang kayo kung nakarating na kayo sa dakong ito ng walang kakwenta-kwenta kong lathalain. Bakit hindi? E Pilipino ako eh, natural lang na magulo ako. Magulo kasi ang lahi ko.
Ipinanganak ako sa Pilipinas. Ang tatay ko ay kalahating Intsik at kalahating Bicolano, ang nanay ko naman ay may lahing Kastila at Ilocano. May splash din kami ng Amerikano sa lahi namin. Pero sa Sampaloc ako pinanganak. Hindi pa ako nakakasakay ng barko o ng eroplano. Hindi pa ako nakakatuntong sa kahit anong bansa. Marami akong alam tungkol sa mga bansang nakapalibot sa lahi ko pero ni minsan, hindi ko pa sila nararating. Bukod sa kasalatan sa salapi, isang rason na rin ang katamaran. E Pilipino ako eh, natural lang na magulo ako. Magulo kasi ang lahi ko.
Napanood ko si Willie Revillame nung isang araw. Tapos nabasa ko yung blog ng isa nating kasamahan sa Multiply. Nakakatuwa. Pansinin ninyo, pag gusto niyang paiyakin yung mga kausap niya, lalong minamalat ang boses niya. Lahat itatanong niya para lang mapaiyak niya yung bata. Yung araw na yon, binara siya nung bata - hindi daw siya iiyak. Panalo naman, hindi nga umiyak yung bata. Ampon daw siya, isa sa foster parents niya ay tibo. Pinanawagan siya ni Willie sa mga tunay niyang magulang. Sabi nung bata sa tatay niya, "_____ (pangalan), niloko mo lang ang nanay ko. Loko loko ka pala." Tawanan. Pati si Willie natawa. Ang sabi ni Willie sa bata e tatay niya yon. Tinuturuan pa niya na Tatay ang itawag nung bata, hindi yung buong pangalan. Eh ano bang pakelam ni Willie? Akala mo naman napakahuwaran niyang ama kung makapagpayo sa bata. Muntik na mapaiyak ang bata pero matatag siya… hindi siya umiyak hanggang sa huli.
Andito na pala ako sa Makati, ang prestihiyosong siyudad. Mantakin mo yan, nakapagblog habang bumiyahe. Wahaha! Ano bang ginagawa ng draft? Kasalukuyan akong nasa conference bridge kasama ng aking mga katrabaho. Nag-uusap ang mga bossing sa Tate tungkol sa Sales. Siyempre, hindi kami nakikinig talaga ng todo. Mas importante ang blogging (para sa akin), guys4men (para kina Julius ar RJ) at youtube (para kay Riztil na mahilig sa mga hayop). Dumudugo na ang ilong ko kakaintindi ng mga sinasabi nila habang tinatype ko tong blog na to pero dedma lang. Ganito na kami nasanay: multitasking. Ganyan talaga siguro sa call center, kahit matanda ka na, basta may alam ka sa computer, kahit papaano e magkakaroon ka ng multiple personality disorder o kaya ADHD para lang malibang ang sarili mo.
ADHD. Kumuha ako ng online test tungkol sa sakit na yan last year. Doon ko napagtanto na meron din ako nito. Full-blown. Nakakaloka. Ang nagsabi sa kin nito e barkada ko na under medication pa nga. May kalalaan ang kaso niya pero umiinom nga siya ng gamot. Minsan, nagkainuman kami. Umabot na sa puntong antok na antok na ko. Dahil ugali ko ngang tulugan ang beer, natulog ako sa loob ng bar na yon. Nagising na lang ako sa kalampag ng lamesa. Nagkakasagutan na sila. Hindi pala, kwentuhan lang. Pero sinasaktan na ng barkada ko ang sarili niya habang nagsasalita. Inaatake na. Ganyan ang sakit namin — hindi mapakali sa iisang lugar, sinasaktan ang sarili, hindi maintindihan ang ugali. Pero masaya kasama kasi magulo. E Pilipino ako eh, natural lang na magulo ako. Magulo kasi ang lahi ko.
Nalaman ko rin na ang anak na panganay ni Kris Aquino ay may ganito ring karamdaman. Nakakatuwa naman kasi ako nakakatingin ako ng diretso sa tao, maging ang kaibigan ko. Napanood ko nung isang araw yung Mercury Rising ni Bruce Willis. Ang sabi sa taong hindi makatingin ng diretso sa iba e may Autism. Hindi kaya Autistic talaga ang anak ni Kris at hindi niya lang talaga matanggap na ganon kalala kaya ang sabi niya e ADHD lang? Anong masama sa autistic e kung tutuusin mas matalino nga sila. Naalala ko tuloy yung professor ko sa Psychology noon. Nagdrowing siya ng malaking bilog. Sabi niya yun daw ang normal na tao. Mula sa bilog na yon, nagdrowing siya ng parang "tilamsik" — may lumagpas sa bilog, merong nasa loob ng bilog. Ang paliwanag niya: yun ang mga autistic - may labis, may kulang. Gusto ko tuloy itanong: ang mga Pilipino kaya may autism? Lahat ba tayo "tilamsik" ng isang normal na bilog? E kasi maraming autistic sa gobyerno. Labis-labis ang kurakot, kulang-kulang ang trabaho. E Pilipino din sila eh, natural lang na magulo sila. Magulo kasi ang lahi nila.
Yung kapatid ko kumukuha ng Masteral Degree ngayon sa University of Houston sa Texas. Nakwento ko na sa inyo yon, si Dindi. Baka tuluy-tuloy na yon hanggang sa Doctorate Degree niya. Lima o anim na taon siya don. Wala na sigurong uwian at mahal ang pamasahe. Ka-chat ko siya kahapon. Nalulungkot at namimiss na raw ako. Pinatawa ko na lang at sabi ko e bilhan ako ng thongs kapag sale na naman sa Victoria's Secret. Pinaliwanag ko pa kung ano ang thongs kasi hindi niya raw alam. Manang talaga. Proud at inggit ako sa kanya. Proud kasi siyempre, nagkakalat ang lahi namin ng lagim sa Estados Unidos. Inggit kasi makikita niya yung crush ko nung elementary na taga-Texas na rin ngayon. Hahaha! Inggit kasi hindi niya nararanasan ang hirap dito sa bansa natin ngayon. Nahihirapan lang siguro siyang pagkasyahin ang stipend niya ngayon kasi nga nagpapadala pa siya kina Mama pambayad sa mga inutangan namin para makaalis siya. Tiis tiis lang. Buti na lang, pagkatapos ng isang buwang walang trabaho, nabigyan ako ng break noong Oktubre. At naging manager pa. Pero magaling si Lord. Talagang binigyan niya ko ng Extra Challenge. Nagparamdam yung isa ko pang kapatid, si Joe-na. Siyempre, sino pa ba naman ang magtutulungan kungdi kami ring magkakapatid. Ayokong maranasan ng sino man sa aming apat na magkakapatid na mapagkaitan ng tulong. Naranasan yon ng papa ko at ginawa niyang magandang halimbawa para hindi namin pabayaan ang isa't isa. Solid 'to, pare! Siyempre, kailangan kong tulungan si Joe-na dahil napagdesisyunan niyang magkaroon na ng sarili niyang pamilya. Wala pang baby, pero meron na siyang katulong para gumawa nito. Andito naman ako para suportahan sila. Balak ko silang ipakasal sa darating na taon. Ang bait naman ni Lord, tinutulungan niya ko sa pagsustento ng mga bagay-bagay.
Yung bunso naman namin, si Chenille, eh dalagita pa rin. Ayaw magboyfriend pero alam ko marunong na rin kiligin. Pangako niya sa nanay at tatay namin na siya ang magtataguyod sa pangalan ng aming pamilya. Kamusta naman, di ba? Matagal na rin akong hindi nakakauwi ng Calamba at sobrang namimiss ko na siya. Nalulungkot nga ako na nung huling uwi ko ng Calamba e nahihiya na siya sa akin… unti-unti nang lumalayo ang loob niya. Naiintindihan ko naman kasi kasalanan ko naman. Babawi talaga ako.
Natatawa ako kasi nung isang linggo tinawagan ako ni Mama. Tapos ipinasa niya kay Papa. Ang lambing ni Papa, nangangamusta. Sabi ko, uuwi ako dyan. Sagot siya, "Ang mahal ng pamasahe, wag ka na muna umuwi." Mantakin mo, akala niya ako si Dindi. Nang malaman niya ang kanyang pagkakamali, ipinasa niya sa nanay ko. Nagtampo naman ako. Mega-text naman ang pudra. Wag daw ako magdrama. Hehehe! Fine. Basta masaya ako at malaki ang pagpapasalamat ko sa Diyos na hindi niya pinapabayaan ang kalusugan nila.
Isa akong tipikal na Pinoy na mapagmahal sa pamilya. Ipaglalaban ko hanggang kamatayan ang pamilya ko. Pero siyempre, umabot na rin ako sa katotohanan na kailangan ko rin isipin ang mga pangangailangan ko. Ilang taon na ko, hindi pa ko nakakaipon. Wala akong bank account, wala akong ari-arian. Ni cellphone na matino nga hindi ako makabili eh. Pero tiis-tiis nga lang muna. Aabot din naman siguro ako don.
Nung na-promote ako, ang sabi ng mga malalapit sa kin e I deserve it daw. Hindi pa rin nagsisink in sa akin ang posisyon ko kasi tamad pa rin ako. Hahaha! Siguro nga manager na ko. Kahit nagtatawag din ako, keri lang, basta may trabaho. Sa totoo nga, pati yung managers sa site namin sa Tate nagtatawag din naman. Kasi diretsong mga may-ari ang mga dapat naming makausap. Pinoy talaga ako, defensive. At Pinoy pa rin ako, kasi gusto ko itong sabihin sa mga galit sa akin: MANIGAS KAYO SA INGGIT!
Bwahahahahaha!
Kailan ba ko huling tumawa ng ubod ng lakas? Yung todo-todo na sumakit yung tiyan ko at natae ako kakatawa? Matagal-tagal na rin pala. Ngayon kasi nauutot lang ako. Kadalasan din, ako yung nagpapatawa, kahit hindi naman talaga ako nagpapatawa. Natural lang talaga siguro kasi nga Pinoy ako. Mababaw ang kaligayahan, mapagbiro. Mapanlait, mapandaot. Tapos tatawa. Maaasar, mapipikon.
Away. Gulo. Kahit kami ng boyfriend ko lumalabas ang pagka-Pinoy. Nagbreak kami nung isang buwan lang. Masakit. E kaso magulo na eh. Pero hindi ko kaya. Parang namatay na rin ako kapag nawala siya. Naks! Daig ang teleserye! Mahal ko siya, bahagi siya ng puso ko. Ayaw ko siyang mawala. Hindi ako papayag. Bakit si Anabelle Rama, naipaglaban niya ang pamilya niya kahit maraming kabit na ang dahilan? Hindi naman nambababae si Andrei. Napakalaki ng tiwala ko sa kanya. Magulo lang talaga ang utak ko, magulo din siya. Nagkagulo na. Pero maayos na kami ngayon. Sana tuluy-tuloy na. Ngayon ko lang ito ibobroadcast. Mahal ko siya, at lahat ay gagawin ko para maging masaya siya. Ang landi ko.
Pag-ibig. Isa sa mga dahilan kaya masaya ang bansa natin. Punung-puno tayo ng pag-ibig. Minsan nga nag-uumapaw e binabahagi na ng iba sa dalawa, tatlo o apat na asawa. Yung namatay sa bombing sa Kongreso? Magandang hinaharap ang iniwan niya sa mga asawa niya. Pinatakbo sa eleksyon, nanalo, may mga posisyon na ngayon at syempre, may kinikita na para sa mga anak nila. Pagbibigayan. Nagkakaintindihan silang lahat na mga asawa ng iisang lalaki. Talbog!
Ano kaya kung sundin ng pamahalaan ang ganitong paniniwala? Hindi ako galit sa mga kababayang Muslim, gusto ko ngang manirahan kasama nila para magsuri sa kanilang mga paniniwala. Pero ano kaya ang mangyayari sa ating bansa kung lahat tayong mga babae e asawa lang ng isa, dalawa o tatlong lalaki lang? Magiging asawa kaya ako ni Dennis Trillo, kasama ng tatlumpu pang babae? Hay, masarap ang pag-ibig Kristiyano. Loyal.
Loyalty. Parang kathang-isip na rin lang. Marami pa rin namang naghihiwalay — mapaasawa man o close friend sa Gabinete. Ganon talaga eh. Hindi permanente ang loyalista maliban na lang talaga siguro kung napakalalim ng pinag-ugatan. Parang ako sa mga kaibigan ko. Ipaglalaban ko rin ng patayan ang mga kaibigan ko.
Pasensya na. Hindi naman ako nagkakape, nagdodroga o humihitit ng katol. Gusto ko lang ilabas ang laman ng kukote ko para mabawasan ang iniisip ko.
Ayan nailabasa ko na. Pero magulo pa rin ako. Malamang, Pinoy ako e.
O, yung mga umabot dito sa huli, magcomment naman kayo! ^_^
I was reading one of the greatest books ever written and I think that these facts that I gathered are very important in our everyday living. As per the author, he saw these on the internet.
YOU ARE A FILIPINO IF…
- you nail all photographs on your walls in the living room
- you have a very good sense of mañana habit
- you smoke in your house
- you put up your knee while eating
- you eat kanin and ulam using your (bare) hand
- you say COMFORT ROOM instead of RESTROOM
- you say TAKE OUT instead of TO GO
- you point with your lips
- you say OPEN or CLOSE the lights
- you nod upwards to greet someone
- you or someone you know is nicknamed BOY
- you say CANTEEN instead of CAFETERIA
- you eat under-developed duck eggs
- you call it a BALLPOINT or BALLPEN, not a PEN
- you pronounce the word ALREADY as OLREYDI
- you say KODAKAN instead of taking pictures
- you do MANO PO to older people in the house you're about to enter
- you refer to your REFRIGERATOR as PRIDYIDER
- your grandma smiles and her teeth are all red because of NGA NGA
- you say PLIERS when you meant FLIERS
- you say BITCH when you meant BEACH
- you pronounce HIPPOPOTAMUS and COMFORTABLE in a funny way
- you say BOOSE for BUS
- you have a Last Supper quilt tacked on your dining wall
- your WALKING DOLL is still new even though it was bought years ago because your mom kept it in the china cabinet and never let you play with it
- you hang a Santo Niño shrine in your living room
- you have an out of tune piano that nobody in the family ever learned to play
- you say CHOL-O-LATE
- you have a WEAPONS OF MORROLAND shield
- you didn't hear or understand something and your first expression is HA?
- you are chismosa
- you're standing next to big boxes at the airport
- you like peanut butter with chocolate
- you make PARA! on a bus
- your car chirps like a bird when it's reverse
- you turn around when you hear somebody say PSSSST
- you have a BARREL MAN in your house (you know… the wooden man, when you lift up the barrel… SCHWING!!!
- you wash your clothes by hand
- you instinctively grab a toothpic after a meal
- you order the longganisa meal on a PAL Balikbayan flight
- you laugh seeing somebody slip
- you smile/grin a lot even for no reason
- you sit by squatting down and leaning your elbows on your knees
- you use a BOLO to cut the grass in the yard
- you have power failures everyday at the same time that you can set your watch to
- you own both a rice cooker and an airpot
- you refer to ACCENT and all other forms of monosodium glutamate as AJINOMOTO
- you say KUTEX instead of NAIL POLISH
- you're the plane passenger with the largest hand-carry luggage
- you scratch your head when you don't know what you're doing
- you say ANO this and ANO that
- you put your hands together and point them in the direction you are walking to pass between other people
- you say that everybody is your cousin/niece/nephew/aunt/uncle…
- you have a big Buddha at home for good luck (not the serene Buddha like what the Thais have, but the big, fat, laughing one with those pesky little kids crawling all over him)
- you bring a BAON to work everyday
- you use WALIS TAMBO and WALIS TINGTING
- your ice cold beer really has ice cubes in it
- you have a parol hanging outside your house during the Christmas holidays
- you eat rice for breakfast, lunch and dinner
- you fire your gun like crazy on New Year's Eve
- you drive a jeep with your family name written on the back
- you put a little bowl of PATIS on the table for dipping, and your guests complain, "Who farted?"
- you cover your living room furniture with bed sheets
- you have toyo circles on your table cloths
- you eat BALUT and wash it down with beer to bulk up
- you wash and reuse disposable styrofoam cups, forks, and spoons and cover paper plates with waxed paper so you can reuse it
YOU MIGHT BE MARRIED TO A FILIPINA IF…
1. Your refrigerator is always full but you cannot find any food that you recognize.
2. Instead of a dowry, you got the whole bill for the wedding and the honeymoon.
3. Most of the decoration in your house are made of wicker.
4. You are expected to be able to read her mind just by watching her eyebrows move up and down and which way her lips are pointed.
5. All her relatives think your name is Joe.
6. The instant you are married, you have 3000 new close relatives that you can't tell apart.
7. Your house isn't really on fire, but there is a very charred fish right on top of the stove burner.
8. All the desserts are sticky and all the snacks are salty.
9. She eats her fruit with giant salt crystals and her fried chicken with ketchup.
10. Even the ketchup tastes weird… very weird.
11. You throw a party and everyone is fighting to chop the leathery skin off a dead pig.
12. All your kids have 4-5 middle names.
13. Your in-laws take 10 years to acknowledge your existence and to call you by something other than "that white guy".
14. You try to call her up on the phone and someone tells you "for a while" and you want to know "for a while, what?"
15. Your phone bills are all international and average 3 hours per call.
16. She sweeps with something that witches usually fly around on.
17. The rice cooker is on 24 hours a day and uses up to 50% of your electric and food budget.
18. On your first trip to the Philippines, you have 18 giant boxes that weigh 1000 pounds each and your "carry on" luggage requires a small forklift truck.
19. The same luggage is overfilled with things that cost an average of 15 cents each like old magazines and M&Ms - the worst part is when you get off the plane, the same stuff you've been hauling around half way around the world is available in every store in the airport for half the price!
20. All her pajamas look like they were worn by the Dalai Lama until they got too faded.
21. The first time she's pregnant you have to go out at 4 in the morning looking for some weird type of greasy sausages, green mangoes and bagoong.
22. You buy a new $500 freezer so she can store 200 pounds of SPAM and CORNED BEEF that was on sale.
23. Everything in your house was bought on sale, even if you don't need it. As long as it was a "bargain" is all that matters.
24. She gets really excited by sucking the fat out of pig knees.
25. Your daughter gets her ears pierced when she's 2 minutes old but your sons are not circumcised until they turn 21.
26. All your postage bills instantly double.
27. YOu hire a yaya because your wife thinks you clean mirrors with soap and sponge and the yaya seems cheaper than a divorce.
28. Her favorite sause is called patis, Americans call it turpentine.
29. She actually thinks that bowling and golf and billiards are real sports and are more important than baseball and football.
30. She prefers bistek to beef steak.
31. Her idea of new upholstery is rinsing the bagoong stains out of the slip covers.
32. She can eat and talk at the same time, in fact that's her specialty!
33. Her favorite meal is leftovers, her favorite fancy dessert is Jello mold and for something REALLY romantic, she'll offer you a halo-halo with 2 straws.
34. You still don't know what's the difference between manong and manok.
35. She and the kids are always saying, "Daddy made utot" and you still don't know what it means but they thinks it's pretty funny.
36. Other than eyebrow raising and lip puckering, her next most expensive form of communication is grunting and psssts.
37. Her homeland has more Megamalls than islands.
38. Before every holiday and visit, her sisters fax you a 10-page bilin list which says "suggestion only".
39. Your kitchen table has a merry-go-round in the middle.
40. All the vegetables she buys at the Filipino store look like they were grown at Chernobyl.
41. Your in-law's first visit lasted 5 years.
42. Her friends are named Chinky, Girlie, Boy and Bimbo and you are not allowed to smirk.
43. Her home economics course only taught shopping, eating, and siesta: cooking, cleaning and sewing were not electives.
44. Her idea of edifying reading is gossip magazines.
45. All your place settings has the silverware backwards and there are no knives.
46. She washes her hair with a bucket and her car with a broom.
47. She uses an umbrella even if it's not raining.
48. Her favorite book (she has 3 copies) is 1001 New Recipes for Pig Parts You Were Gonna Throw Out.
49. You are the only family in a 200 mile radius with 2 VCRs, 3 televisions…
50. She's done her best job planning a surprise party for you if she manages not to tell you about it until a week or two before.
51. She "cleans" her closet by throwing all the crap into your closet.
52. AND LAST BUT NOT THE LEAST: You are pretty proud of yourself because you think you snagged up for yourself some unique, rare, tropical goddess-type until you go to the Philippines and can't tell her apart from anyone else in the whole country (unless she's taller than 5'1", then it's a bit easier).
I don't know what happened to Britney Spears but I guess that's what she deserves. I mean, after two kids, a fucked up marriage and being ungrateful to her mom, she really does not deserve to be uncriticized.
I am NOT a Britney fan though I used to dance her songs when I was in college. I would just like you to notice the difference of this performance to her presentations before. She even had the guts to show some skin! May gulay….
Browsing Multiply helps a lot. I just found the link posted by Mister Wang in one of his comments. I read it was for guys who love men but I think it is also effective for girls who love men so here they are… the ways to a man's heart…
* Treat the man you love with love. Always. Anger, jealousy, and fear are valid emotions, but they are not valid excuses for treating him with non-love.
* You may not yet live together and maybe never will, but make your house or apartment his home as well.
* Don't take out your work frustrations on your boyfriend.
* Don't refer to your love as your "future ex-lover." That kind of sarcasm and pessimism is destructive.
* Do you empty your boyfriend's pockets to check for matchbooks with other girl's phone numbers? Check his phone bill to see whom he's calling long distance? Don't. If you distrust him so much, then enough is wrong with the relationship that spying won't set it right.
* Think twice before tattooing your boyfriend's name on your biceps (think three times if it's a place where the sun doesn't shine). Sometimes the tattoo lasts longer than the love. And if you think getting rid of a boyfriend you've fallen out of love with is painful, try getting rid of a tattoo.
* Don't place your man on a pedestal. Sooner or later, he will lose his balance and fall off.
* Nix the nagging. Nix the whining.
* Don't finish his sentences.
* Don't expect your boyfriend to trust you automatically. Why should he? Trust must be earned.
* Be honest. Keep your promises. Don't make commitments you know you won't keep. If you can't honor your promises and commitments, renegotiate them.
* Phone when you'll be late for dates.
* Never take advantage of his emotional fragility.
* Try not to be too possessive. It can be toxic.
* Let him have a new friendship that's only his.
* Let him go to the movies without you.
* Always make time for him. Being too busy is not an excuse.
* Let older men into your life. Youth worship is self-defeating. We will all grow older. Don't deprive yourself of elders' hard-earned wisdom and love.
* Stand by your man. Unless he's the Unabomber. In that case, what are you doing with him anyway?
* Take care of him when he's sick. Put on your Florence Nightingale cap and be the best damn nurse he'll ever have.
* You don't have to suffer silently. Let him know when you're hurting.
* Put his photo on your desk at work if you're so inclined.
* Dare to use the royal "We" every now and then. it can strengthen your love to refer to yourselves publicly as a couple.
* Stimulate him intellectually.
* Encourage him in his work, his creativity, and his personal growth.
* When you vacation together, go somewhere you both want to go.
* Be a considerate daughter-in-law (ahm, if it's the case).
* If he has children, be a good step-parent.
* If he has an ex-wife, be friendly to her.
* Love should improve the quality of your lives. Do whatever you can to make his life easier and better.
* Sometimes making love and sex overlap, and sometimes they don't.
* Sometimes a fuck is just a fuck and has little to do with love. Learn the difference.
* As an act of faith, buy condoms in bulk. (But don't forget they have expiration dates.)
* Don't be greedy in bed. Give a damn about his orgasm, too.
* Wonder if you're satisfying him? Ask. Be prepared to deal with him saying no.
* Ask him what he likes. Tell him what you like.
* Do it outside. Do it inside.
* Explore a sex shop together. Show each other what toys and images turn you on.
* If you give him a sex toy as a gift, keep it private.
* Ask before you insert any sex toy. Wait for an answer. Respect the answer.
* Smear him with ice cream and enjoy dessert. (This guarantees thirty-one variations without even changing the flavors.) Let him be your flavor of the month.
* Try body paints. Experiment with applicators. Don't use a paintbrush.
* Learn from the lesbians: Keep your fingernails short.
* Plan sex.
* Have spontaneous quickies.
* Release your inner slut for him.
* Overwhelm him with your passion.
* Let all five of your senses throb with sensuality.
* Kiss him gently.
* Kiss him like you mean it.
* Lick his inner thigh.
* Suck his fingers.
* Rub. Nuzzle. Slurp. Nibble.
* Do it silently.
* Do it like thunder.
* Sometimes let sex be an aerobic workout.
* Sometimes let sex be slow, lazy, and relaxed.
* Teach him your best sex tricks.
* Tell him your sex secrets.
* Perform a striptease.
* Read erotic passages to him.
* Be gentle. Be wild.
* Be passive.
As I have told you, I sorta edited some parts. Enjoy and have a very healthy relationship!
Pyu! My new blog is at reignloleng.wordpress.com BTW, nakabili ka ba ng boxes sa Cash & Carry?
Yep. Hehehe!
You’re I.PH?! Wow!
Hey, Lord Adam! Thanks for dropping by. Hay! Buhay Kano ngayon. Two jobs, no bath… ganon. Hehehe!
PHOEBS!!! Glad to see you on I.PH iha. Musta?
Mare, you know that I am gay. This is actually from Odeck’s blog. I just fixed some things on it. Ergo, Odeck is gay, too, mare. hahaha!
hey girl!:) nice work…if i didnt know u better i’d say a gay columnist did this..LOL! PIS mare!!
Hey! Thanks for trying to read my stupidity. Ngyahaha!
Weee!~ Weee!~
i think we really need to… next payday? wadyatink? hehehe!
we really should drink and shit. I could also finish 2 red horse grande!
thanks so much liz. as you can see, i am an idiot when it comes to things like this… hahaha! love you!
turn edit on sa upper left corner ng blog, tapos look for ‘comments’, then approve. you can set it such that you dont need to approve them anymore. ^_^ tell me how it goes.
Hey, Optimus! Thanks for dropping by!
Jo, I know that quote. Very very familiar.
What is wrong with i.ph? What’s wrong with me?
This sums up your latest blog… “If you give a mouse a cookie, he’ll want to have a glass of milk.”
Nice place you got here!
