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070707

July 7, 2007

I was not expecting that something special would happen. Some people believe that today is everyone's lucky day. But a miracle did happen.

As usual, Drei and I fought about work. I just thought that he was being a sourpuss again so I just shrugged it away. But his attitude was dragging. He went to the pantry twice and his pace was unusually slow. I know that he' s trying to keep his cool. I know that there is something wrong but I didn't realize it was that intense. I even joked about it with my agents. For me, it was nothing but a chronic bickering between two minds competing at work.

It turned out to be the worst case. We ended up throwing coarse words against each other — proving who is really wrong. No one's prepared to concede. I hurt him physically. I lied when I said I don't want to be with him anymore. I cried and I cried. It seemed endless.

It was so sudden. He said he'd let go of my hand if he doesn't love me.

I have this thing inside me that's decaying. I keep my composure because I don't want it to die.

If I wanted to let you go, I should have had let you walk out of that door the minute you told you would do so. You are the only woman I loved that I stayed loyal to; if being loyal means pain everyday, I'd rather go to the mountains. That's always been my dream. I don't want problems anymore.

My feelings for you lessen everyday but there's this speck inside my heart that only you can turn into a boulder. That means I cannot let go… because every time I feel that the love is almost gone because of pain and hatred, there you are building a rock, solid hard.

Walk out that door if you are decided. If not, let's talk things over.

I was so surprised. I couldn't imagine myself crying my soul out to Drei. I did. I just did. He made me see my mistakes. Why do I always think negatively? It's because I know that I am a loser. I know that nobody's perfect and that's my defense. He made me realize that I didn't have the confidence and that I feel like everybody surrounding me is actually there to point out how great of a loser I am. He knows my past and he believes that I became very unpredictable because I am abused by the people I loved.

He pointed out the truth and yes, the truth set me free. Insecurity, jealousy, envy and false strength were all washed away. I think I became a better person. I will be challenged, I know, but with what Andrei told me, I think I can face it.

I am here. WE can do it.

Assuring and comforting. Another success.

It's not with the date or the moon alinement or the feng shui. It's the everyday miracle God had set that we just ignore. Drei is my miracle. Mushy.

Posted by phoebemadness at 9:37 am | permalink

Previous Comments

It’s nice to read stories like this told from the female’s perspective. Anyway, just passing by. Hope you don’t mind

Posted by jaywalker at July 11, 2007, 12:04 am

Thank you very much! Just always pass by. ^^

Posted by phoebemadness at July 12, 2007, 9:42 am

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